so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
