I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
