i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize