It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
