it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
