My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
