3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize