Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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