dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
