U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
