A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize