bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
