But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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