do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
