My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
