O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
