well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
