It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
