Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
