Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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