This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have demons in me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
