sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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