It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize