It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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