you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
