How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize