At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
vagina is talking i cant
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
