If i come over, it means nothing
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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