I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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