Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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