Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
