If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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