They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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