At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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