She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize