before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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