He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
