and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
