I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
