His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
