drinking out of a sandbucket again
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We left an ass print on the piano.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
