$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
