I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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