her vagine was all disorganized.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
