Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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