He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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