I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize