after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
