none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize