I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize