: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
