look no pants
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
