Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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