Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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