so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
