hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
