I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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