I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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