would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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