I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
