What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize