Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
