he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
