Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
