Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
