Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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