Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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