I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
