IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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