you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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