So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
