drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hippo gnu deer
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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