I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
