I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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