Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize