I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
