we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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