He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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