the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
