We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
