ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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