I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
