Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
