I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
