You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
