It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Actions speak louder than pants.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
