I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
