OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
