i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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