I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
