I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
