I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
