Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
