she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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