Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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