They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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