You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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