i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
