cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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