You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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