I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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