I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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