I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize