as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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