2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
